The Drawing Room ‘Rishta’ hunt

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Marriage is always the great question mark for a girl, a question that slowly took over her entire life. So these so-called marriage experts claim that, If, love does not knock of its own accord on your doors, then they manually construct a loving family by finding the perfect arranged marriage that both sides can approve of. And always quoting lame example that only arrange marriages are far more likely to lead to a lasting affection than love marriages. But this practice of finding a perfect marriage material for their not-so-good and ordinary looking (but quite handsome and dominant in their eyes) son is really getting excruciating, in Pakistan.

Imagine a girl who was living her life a total carefree, had a beaming personality, took laughter and joy with her wherever she went. All she wanted was a happiness and personal satisfaction – until she graduated and realized that a stable job (even in number of 6) and educated profile (even when Doctor), Its still not enough for the society she inhabited.

No matter how well she was doing, her friends and family kept asking the same question, every single time they met: “So when are you planning to get married?”

The very beautiful and colorful rainbow that she called LIFE then suddenly become full of shades she never needed.

And then the DRAWING ROOM HUNT starts. Every day, her parents talk to her about different proposals from men with white collar jobs, golden families and greying hair.

Greying hair Men! Yes, far more better, energetic (normal BP 140/100mmHg, with some acidity and flatulence problem) for a 20 year old girl. Not to mention nearly to die soon.

She is relatively unlucky when it comes to the genetic lottery. If her complexion is not as bright as society would have liked it to be. If her profession is not the proposal-type (she wasn’t a doctor). Though she won at life, she did not match the presumed guidelines for perfect marriage material.

Countless times, she dress up in a bright and colored shalwar kameez, brushed her hair, put on a perfect smile and greeted new guests, who are there to decide if they find her suitable for marriage.

But the bottom line is always the same:

“Our son is fairer than her.”

“She looks older than my son.”

“She is nothing like her pictures.”

Then some lame and pathetic comments by Dulha’s sister (Imagine a comment from a girl to girl, but this girl is DULHA’s sister this time which makes her forget about her being on same stage someday, If unmarried)

“I don’t like her teeth when she smiles. They look so big,” 

“And look at her nose. It seems like the flaring nostrils of a dragon. Bhai likes sleek, pointed noses.”

“‘She’s not a doctor.”

If a Doctor then, “We will let her sit home and make gol gol rotis” ( Yeah, that’s what she had spent all of her life; studied hard, took As so that one day she could make GOL GOL ROTIS)

And the most disturbing of all:

“We have seen four girls and we like all of them so we’ll call you when we decide.”

Needless to say, her parents never hear from these families again.

The girl during all these hunts go puzzled and depressed, eventually slowly losing her self-worth. She begun to forget all the personality traits – she stand at a point where she isn’t able to list a single attribute that she admired in herself.

 “Shatter the glass and see the world for what it is; fake nightmares, hallucinated dreams. Yet, even I can smile when I see beauty in truth and truth in beauty.”

It is my humble request to every girl who feels unlucky with love and is facing trouble getting married to not be so hard on herself.

There is more to life than marriage. Commitment, kindness and love for your own self, and for the people who matter to you, are much more meaningful than worrying non-stop about getting married. Don’t do this to yourself. Your thoughts are your companions and you are in charge of them – hire or fire them whenever you want.

The legitimacy of an early, speedy marriage is overrated. Don’t fall for it.

Stay Blessed all pretty ladies out there!

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Understanding men

Men may be dog but truth is we love them anyway. Many women find it incredibly difficult to understand men. What you need to understand is that we are totally different but fact is we are incomplete without them in every walk of life. So, instead of giving up, all of us should try to embrace the differences and accept each other for who we really are. Only then, we can use all of this knowledge to our advantage. Writing this is for the purpose to understand the differences between the sexes and explains how we can use these differences to our advantage.

Modern science has allowed us to study the male and female brains and come up with conclusions as to why we are so different. This is mainly down to how our brains are structured, and that’s what this article is about. It will not teach you how to make him fall in love with you but it will show you why we are so different and as soon as you understand these differences and accept them as reality, it will become much more easier to relate to men.

What can you do with this sort of information? Men love women that they can connect to, although we may never reach the same level of communication, by vocalizing your emotions more often you’ll have a higher chance of connecting with a man.

Also, by understanding what this article tried to explain (that we are incredibly different) you can change your perception on men and instead getting upset and saying “You don’t understand me!”…you can laugh inside and think to yourself, “Haha, you don’t have the ability to understand me, you primitive creature”.

Human Relationships: Women communicate much better than men, they focus on how to create a solution that works for the entire group, talking through issues, and utilizes non-verbal cues such as tone, emotion and empathy. Men on the other hand, tend to be more task oriented, less talkative and more isolated. Men have a hard time understanding emotions that are not spoken, while women tend to intuit emotions and emotional cues. These differences clearly explain why men and women sometimes have difficulty in communication and why men-to-men friendships look different from friendships among women.

What does this mean? If you ever had a conversation with a man and got deep into a subject but yet felt like you spoke a completely different language well, this is to blame. In your first steps to understanding men this is the first thing you need to comprehend, MEN ARE DIFFERENT. They are so different in fact that sometimes we can’t even communicate but, if you can try to lower yourself to our level of communication, which means vocalizing the majority of your emotions, you’ll have a much better chance at properly communicating with a man.

Now, I’m not telling you to vocalize absolutely everything that you’re feeling but when a man asks you if something is wrong and you say “Nothing” you need to understand that unless you actually TELL HIM what’s wrong, he won’t have the slightest clue. Sure, you’re best friends get you and maybe even your husband if you’ve been together for years but, the average guy or even your 2 year long boyfriend won’t. Lowering yourself down to our more simple way of communicating will only make life easier for all of us.

Left brain vs both hemispheres: Experts have proven that men process better in the left hemisphere while women tend to process equally well between the two hemispheres. This difference clearly shows why men are stronger with left-brain activities and approach problem solving from a task-oriented perspective while women typically solve problems more creatively and are more aware of feelings while communicating.

What does this mean? This task oriented approach means men think in the following manner when trying to solve a problem:  “In order to solve this problem I will need to get this done first, then this other thing, then this and then they all fit into place and get this done”. Multitasking? There’s no such thing as multitasking when it comes to men…This also explains why men get angry when you are multitasking (e.g talking to them and doing something else) because they simply can’t understand what you’re doing. This is another prime example that will get you closer to accepting just how different men are and proves why men are better in some jobs (programming, business) and women in others (teaching, caretaking).

Mathematical Abilities: An area in the brain called the inferior-parietal lobule (IPL) is typically significantly larger in men, especially on the left side, than in women. This is the section responsible with mathematical ability, and probably explains why men perform higher in mathematical tasks than do women. What’s even more interesting is that this area of the brain that was abnormally large in Einstein. The IPL also processes sensory information, and the larger right side in women allows them to focus on, “specific stimuli, such as baby crying in the night”.

Reaction to stress: In stress situation men have a response reaction that resembles “fight or flight” while women react with a “tend and befriend” strategy. Psychologist Shelly E. Taylor first came up with the phrase “tend an befriend” after noticing that during times of stress women tend to take care of themselves and their children (tending) and form strong group bonds (befriending). The reason behind these different reactions to stress is down to hormones. When someone is under stress the hormone oxytocin is released into the body. In men, testosterone reduces the effects of oxytocin as it is produced in high volumes during stress; this explains the reason for the “fight or flight” response. In women, estrogen amplifies the effects of oxytocin resulting in calming and nurturing feelings.

Language: The two sections in the brain which are responsible for language have been found to be significantly larger in women than in men, indicating one reason why women typically excel in language-based subjects and in language-associated thinking. It’s also important to mention that men typically process language in one hemisphere whilst women process it in both. This differences offers a bit of protection in case of a stroke, as women may be able to recover fully from a stroke affecting the language areas in the brain while men may not have this same advantage.

Emotions: The most obvious difference is probably the emotions. Women have a larger deep limbic system than men, it allows them o be more in touch with their feelings and better able to express themselves, which promotes bonding with others. This is one of the reasons why women serve as caregivers for children. Sadly this comes with a downside as this larger deep limbic system also opens women up to depression, especially during times of hormonal shifts such as after childbirth or during a woman’s menstrual cycle.

What does this mean? Again, as I’ve mentioned above, women are much better at communicating than men so, if you want to be understood by a man you need to lower yourself to his level of communication. Vocalize what you are feeling and he will have a much easier time in understanding you. Don’t give up saying, “ah men don’t understand me”, try to make them understand and you will see that your love life success will greatly improve.

Also, it’s worth mentioning that some men understand these differences themselves and will, in turn, try to take advantage of your emotional brain by making you feel good all of the time. Sure, this may sound great, but in reality many of the men that understand this concept, often use it for their own benefit . However, it’s also important to note that many of these men live to please and if you can “keep” them you’re on the right track for a lifetime of happiness.

Brain Size: Typically, men’s brains are 11-12% bigger than women’s brains. Sadly, this difference in size has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence, but does explain the difference in size between men and women. Men need a bigger brain to control their bigger bodies and muscles.

Pain: Men and women perceive pain differently. Studies have shown that women need more morphine to reach the same level of pain reduction. They have also shown that woman vocalize their pain and seek treatment much quicker than men. During pain, an area of the brain called the amygdala is activated. Research has shown that in men the right amygdala (controls external functions) is activated and in women the left amygdala (controls internal functions) is activated. This is the reason women seem to perceive pain more intensely than men, although they can withstand higher levels of pain (childbirth).

So what can we draw from this article? Most importantly the fact that men and women are completely different. This is actually funny when you think about it because we can’t live without each other. Couples are essentially a better human being. Because both the male and female perspectives are shared regarding any life situation, life as a couple should be genuinely easier than single life. As we can say “They complete each other.

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Woman is the reflection of her man.

She was a girl who used to love by everyone, she was confident, she had passion and was happy, she danced like crazy in her own way, she looked flawless whatever she wears. I have never seen a girl like him and she was always the center of interest, she was a true soul with purest heart – I’m saying this to myself while seeing her through the windows of ICU, struggling for her life in her last minutes. She is my wife, the woman who loved me beyond my imagination, but now I’m helpless. I wish I could do something in these last moments.

So, here story ends and another God’s beautiful creation (Woman) has departed from this world with broken heart. If only he could understand what a woman really needs from his man, this would not happen to her anyway.

This is not any rocket science to understand that all women crave attention. The soul needs attention like a body needs to breathe. I don’t think anyone can teach you how to be a man but a woman. You only learn by learning what they need. First off, she doesn’t belong to you because she isn’t a piece of property. She is a person who has chosen to be with you, just as you chose to be with her. You should respect her for this and not to treat her like possessive jerks. The most important gift from a woman’s point of view is plain and that lies in your sincerity. You should trust her as she deserved to be trusted.

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Many women are really afraid that they are not so beautiful. Women need enormous compliment: “I like that haircut, “or” You look great in red clothes.” Giving this compliment to women can encourage them to pay attention to dress, and keeps love constantly fresh.

Women also attach importance to their work and career. Women want their husbands or boyfriends to attach importance to their work like husbands attach importance to their own work. Every time when she talks about her work, the husband or boyfriend should listens carefully. Needless to say, in this regard the feelings will be better because of good communication. Women want men to listen patiently to their speaking, restore them to feel comfortable. For love, unlike men, women are not easy to fall in love. Women usually pay more attention to practical factors when having a dating. Women may desiderata love, but they still ask themselves a few questions (such as: Is the man reliable enough?) constantly before falling in love. Thus, men should not only pay attention to their hair, clothes and manners, but also be honest and have reliable character.

In short, she needs a partner which can comprehend her.